she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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