I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
