By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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