I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
