Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
