hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
