she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
