Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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