Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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