some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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