This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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