It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
