My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
