I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
