U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
