the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
