jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
