You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
