the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
