Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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