It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
