Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize