dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
