we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
