3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will pee on everything he values.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
