I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
