I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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