At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
