I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
