Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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