I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
