are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
