I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
