i love accidental penises.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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