he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
