I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
