Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
