It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
