Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
try to milk me bitch
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