I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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