Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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