So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
