Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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