I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
