I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
