he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
