Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
