Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My vagina just recognized that song.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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