would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
