The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
