fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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