Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
