I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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