Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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