I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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