Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
