Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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