Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
