Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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