i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
