found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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