She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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