Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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