I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
