i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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