After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
