First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
