...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
