My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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