If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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