we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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