Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
