could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
