You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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