Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
