I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
