i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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