I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
