I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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